The Job-Spouse analogy

Why do we spend years upon years in school gaining formal education? Well, it turns out there are two stages to undergo to become useful to any job venture: the first is getting your qualifications right and the second is looking for the job. 

The former is far more important and here is why: finding a good job is not as dependent on how you look for one, as it is on you being qualified for the job. 

As a matter of fact, the jobs will chase after you if your skills are on point. On the other hand, you can find varieties of jobs with your dream salary, and yet never be able to get them because you are unqualified for it. Why? Your qualification is the most important thing!

This is why people can school for 16-20 years—straight, just getting themselves skilled for the labour market. Others take additional long and short courses to the same end.

Just like getting yourself a job, to get the calibre of partner you dream of, you must place your attention on getting yourself prepared than on the process of looking for that spouse. 

Why? Because just like the job, you cannot handle or manage the caliber of person you wish for if your qualities fall below the bar.

Very few people take the pain to train themselves for marriage. Meanwhile, just like a career, you cannot expect to be successful with your partner when you do not have the right training for it.

Building a formidable love-bond with your partner takes hard work, skills, refined attitudes and strategies. If you pay no attention to these you might enter with wrong notions, wrong conducts, wrong expectations and wrong beliefs. It is not a surprise that many of such marriages have hit the hard rocks of divorce.


Studying and performing deep research about the subject of love and marriage is what we must start doing. If you take your time to listen to people who have had very successful marriages, they say the same things. 

It is true there are going to be differences with your particular case, but it is unwise not to seek counsel from experienced people.

We read and listen to the success stories of great business people, not because our business ideas will toe the same line with theirs but because there are general rules that work. 

So also is the case with love and marriage. There are ground rules that work. You must learn of the experiences of married people; not just married though, but those who have lived successful marriage lives. 

Watch them closely. Read about them. See what they do differently.  Worry more about how qualified you are than how you will find the right partner. 


Get some writing tools and put down everything that will make you an ideal wife or husband for your spouse. You might write fields like, “God fearing,” “responsible,” “caring,” “great at cooking,” “neat,” “self-controlled” etcetera. Write as many as you can think of and with a sincere heart, start building those attributes wholeheartedly. 

It will amaze you that in the middle of pursuing this, you will discover your match and will wish they even delayed a little more until you are fully baked with those traits. 


We are not advising you to groom yourself to suit a particular individual you dream of. This has caused people to bleach, pursue programmes they hate, and so on. What we mean is you train yourself with every trait of an ideal spouse.

Secondly, learning from others’ experiences does not also mean gathering love advise from just every corner. There is a lot of poison out there! Only seek information from sound books and successfully married people.

The mysterious attraction

Life works in a really interesting way. Somehow, right things get attracted to their matches mysteriously. Build a house on a desert and before you know it, you have a mouse inside. Come what may, the hawk will surely find the chick and prey on it. 

Just pay attention to building the right qualities and it will shock you how easily you will find the person of your dreams. If the hawk must find a chick, it must hatch from the egg first. If your dream lover will locate you, you must attain the standards first.

This is the same way companies chase after individuals who have proven themselves very qualified for the very jobs they deny other people. 


WHAT TO DO WHEN SINGLE is not to focus on “hunting” for a partner but to prepare yourself more and more to handle the union. It is the best way to get your desired outcome.

Written by: Ebenezer Agbey Quist (Author of Reformed or Deformed)

All comments are welcome


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