The common advice that we should love people for who they are is misplaced in a crucial way. It ends up inhibiting people from perfecting changes on themselves. 

It is said that if you truly care about someone, you must love them regardless of how they are.

It shouldn’t be about how they are; it should be about how they can become. How you see them today is very much different from who they truly are as much as it is in contrast with who they will become tomorrow.

In that regard, you must be able to project into the future of your partner to know how they will turn out tomorrow.

So that even if they aren’t well-to-do financially at present (for instance), from their approach to life, you’ll be able to tell that they have a better future.

Some people develop certain bad habits and think it is part of their nature and that whoever is “meant” for them must love them regardless.

Meanwhile, none of us was born to be lazy, poor, prodigal or reckless. They are all traits we pick up as we grow. Often, many inculcate them into themselves and even accept that that’s how they are. It is wrong! 

If your intended partner doesn’t show any promise of becoming a better person one day, you shouldn’t sign your “life imprisonment” to live with them forever, just on the basis of loving them for who they are.

People should be ready to change. They should show signs of becoming better people. So that you’ll love them for that. That way, you wouldn’t enter a relationship with someone, with fears of the bad habits you would have to endure for the rest of your life. 

But rather, with confidence that however tough it be, you’ll both cross over into a better life in the future.

Now, let’s remember that not everything about us can be changed. There are things you surely have to put up with in your partner because they naturally cannot be altered. Examples are complexion, stature, height, horrible voice and the like.

Should the thought of loving someone for who they are be maintained, then it should be with regards to those: physique, skills, talents, etc.

Apart from that, love your partner, not for who they are, but for who they are working to become.

The name is Ebenezer Agbey Quist

All comments are welcome


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